The truth is, there are plenty of pointless jobs around, many that never existed some years ago, and many for which people are paid quite a lot of money.

I say this because a colleague forwarded me an email today that details possibly the most pointless, mind-bogglingly ridiculous piece of work ever conducted.

Sensory analysis researchers at Bristol University have hit upon a formula for the perfect cheese sandwich. It involves bread, cheese and butter. However, unless you were simple enough to think those ingredients are all that's needed, you should think again.

It's all in the making you see. The formula, which includes variables such as the thickness of butter, enables cheese sandwich lovers to work out the exact quantities of each ingredient needed to make the perfect butty.

So, for all sandwich shop owners or amateur makers of cheese sandwiches, pay close regard to the following formula:
W = (1 + (bd) – s + (m-2c) + (v+p)] 100 + l where W equals the thickness of Cheddar in millimetres, b the thickness of bread, d the dough flavour modifier, s the thickness of margarine or butter, m the thickness of mayonnaise, c the creaminess modifier, v the thickness of tomato, p the depth of pickle and l the thickness of the lettuce layer.

So there you go. Now you know why your last cheese butty wasn't quite up to scratch and why it left you shaking your head in disappointment.

You didn't follow the formula.

If this didn't sound so much like a Monty Python sketch it would be tragic. Can you believe that highly-qualified people are spending their time on this and being paid decent money for it?

Universities do a lot of important research. Better medicines, the causes of diseases and improved technology are all laudable but some studies really do seem mystifying.

A common one is body and facial shapes in attracting partners. Apparently, women prefer men with fuller lips and wide eyes because they are seen as being more caring, nurturing and less likely to stray.

But men with masculine features, such as a square jaw, larger nose or smaller eyes can forget it.

To be fair, it's not just universities that carry out pointless studies. Social research groups, acting on behalf of business, are always trying to discover people's trends and habits.

I might lobby my MP to commission a study into how pointless all this research is!